


Worlds End

by triggeredwatermelon



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alt. Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Destructive Keith, M/M, Self Harm, Student Keith (Voltron), Student Lance (Voltron), Suicidal Keith (Voltron), Suicidal Lance (Voltron), Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempts, Teacher Shiro (Voltron), klance, school au, some pretty hardcore shit goin on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2019-05-31
Packaged: 2019-06-09 06:19:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15261258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triggeredwatermelon/pseuds/triggeredwatermelon
Summary: Keith is a self destructive boy, lonely and mad at the world. Lance wants nothing more than to turn the world into glass and shatter it into pieces. What happens when a spark meets a flame? Well, for starters, destruction.—-Okay so basically, I’m writing a kinda Point Of Veiw insight for a story that @tobio112 (on instagram) is drawing. All inspiration/story line ideas/etc. are credited to them!! (Yes I have permission to post this)





	1. The Spark

On a cold September morning, I saw a boy kill himself. 

“Wait-“ my voice came out hoarse.

I don’t know why, but suddenly my body was surging forward, pushing itself towards the bridge, trying desperately to stop him. 

_ What am I doing? _

I was almost there, just a little bit further. 

“Stop!” 

His hand was so close, I could almost reach him. Time slowed. He was out of my reach. Gone. 

_Why was I so desperate to save him?_  

My heart was racing a million miles a minute, the cold of the railing doing nothing but make the feeling worse. 

A rush of emotions. Everything flooding in all at once. Then nothing at all. Numb. 

_ Maybe it’s because I want to die too. _

•••

“Keith,” 

Shiro’s voice was kind and opening. It didn’t matter. I’ve heard these words a thousand times. It’s just a new life. New house. New school.

“It’s time.” 

Nothing mattered. 

I tried focusing on the cigarette hanging between my teeth. It was dry and left little particles of its contents on my tongue. I wanted to light it, I really did, but I didn’t have a lighter on me. 

I wished I could feel the nicotine burn my lungs. Feel something - anything at all. Numb.

It took Shiro a few seconds longer to notice the cigarette than usual, but he made a disgruntled sound when he did. 

“Keith how many times-“ 

“It’s not even lit.” 

I wanted to talk about it. Suicide isn’t a shock for me, and it’s not like I haven’t tried a few times, but I wanted to talk about it. I saw myself in him. Part of me wanted to jump with him. I didn’t. 

“Shiro, this morning I saw a boy,” 

“Yes Keith?” 

I _didn’t_ want to talk about it. Suicide isn’t a shock for me, and it’s not like I haven’t tried a few times, but I _didn’t_ want to talk about it. 

“Nevermind, it’s not important.”

•••

The hallways were pretty much empty, aside from one or two lingering students.

I kept my head low. 

We walked past door after door, until we stopped in front of another door. All the same identical boring shit. Behind each door was a class of boring kids learning boring things about the boring world. 

Shiro paused, took a beep breath, smiled, and twisted the doorknob. 

He nudged me forward. 

“Everyone! This is Keith, he will be joining our class. Now we need to find you a desk buddy.”

I scanned the room, hoping Shiro would put me at the back. Actually, I was hoping Shiro would shoot me, but we all know that isn’t going to happen.

Then there was a flash of blue. 

Blue eyes, dark and swollen bags hanging underneath, but familiar.

No. 

_ Fucking.  _

_**Way** . _

“Ah Lance!” 

He was looking at me, full on now. A smile crept slowly onto his face - dark. Everything but numb. It was like he had personally injected adrenaline into my veins. 

“Keith, Lance will be your desk buddy.” 

Lance didn’t break eye contact. Maybe a challenge. Maybe smugness. I couldn’t figure it out. 

“Y-you!” 

Those blue eyes. 

 

_ Everything but numb.  _


	2. The Flame

“You!”

I couldn’t wrap my head around it. Just this morning I watched this boy jump from the bridge. Just this morning I ran after him, pushing myself forward in attempt to grab his hand.  _ Just this morning _ -

“Me?” 

Oh he’s a cocky little fucker. 

“Don’t get cute with me!!” It took me a minute to catch my breath. Everything was rushing to fast, my head spun. 

“You! You jumped off the bridge!” I swear I’m not crazy.

There was a movement behind me, and then a voice. 

“Keith!”

Of course, I was probably making a scene. I let my eyes scan the room again - if people weren’t looking before, they definitely were now. 

“Take your seat.” It sounded frustrated, but also apologetic. He knows how I feel about being the center of attention, and he should be sorry. I obeyed his orders nonetheless. 

I kept my head low until people eventually looked away. 

Lance didn’t look away. In fact, the longer I kept my head lowered the more he kept staring. I was sick of it.

“Can you noT stare at me? It’s getting creepy.” 

He’s getting on my nerves. I didn’t need this pretty boy to keep looking at me with his smug little smirk. 

“But you have such a nice face, how could I not stare?” 

I brushed off the obvious flirting, and set my mind to one thing. 

I had to know what happened this morning. 

“I know what I saw. You jumped.” Maybe I said it a little bit harsher than I intended, but it didn’t really matter. 

There was a flicker of emotion on his face.  _ Anger? Sadness?  _ **_Hope_ ** _? _

“So what?” Then the emotion was gone. “I do it everyday.” 

Now was my flash of emotion, but this one was definitely anger. 

“Oh harhar, suicide is funny.” Hmph. No, I wasn’t going to let him get under my skin. He wasn’t worth it. 

I wasn’t going to let him be worth it. 

“No! It’s not like that!”  **_Worry_ ** ? “There’s a plank! I ninja my way down.” 

Then why didn’t he say something to me this morning? Isn’t it kinda fucked up to let me believe he -

“Plus it’s a faster way to school. If you want, next time you can jump with me” 

“You’re crazy.” I’ve known this boy for how long? And he’s already driving me insane. 

“Crazy for you.”

It took one wink and one comment for my heart to flutter and make a decision. 

_ No. No, no, no, no, NO! _

“Ha what kind of pickup line was that?”  

I tried to brush it off, I really did. 

But no matter how much I let my hair fall into my face, my cheeks were still tinted red. And no matter how much I acted nonchalant, my heart was still rapidly beating against my ribcage. 

I guess I was to busy calming myself down to notice Lance looking down at my wrist.  

•••

Shiro’s voice filled the room. 

“Alright, I think this is a good place to stop. We’ll pick up next class.” 

He looked over at me and let a soft smile settle on his mouth. Then he turned his head to face my desk buddy. 

“Uh Lance, can I speak with you?” 

Lance stood up, glanced at me, then walked over to the front of the classroom. My body was on auto, because it only took a few seconds to stand up and follow. I kept my distance, making sure to look innocent enough.

What would Shiro need to talk to Lance about? Was he talking about me? They were smiling - Shiro’s soft and subtle, Lances small but bright. 

_ What were they talking about?  _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to thank everyone who has supported me and encouraged me to continue writing this! It’s such a great opportunity, and it’s hella fun to write!!


	3. The Ember

Maybe I didn’t want to know what Lance and Shiro were talking about. By the way Lance was smiling, so incredibly smug and soft, it couldn’t possibly be bad. _Right?_  
  
Logically, they were probably talking about Lances shitty grades.  
  
But that didn't stop an unsettling feeling from crawling under my skin.  
  
It’s weird how emotions work. One second you’re calm and relaxed and pink in the cheeks, and then BAM! The next you’re drowning and gasping for breath, trying to swim towards the surface - overwhelmed by all the feelings that crash into your body.

Only this time it’s harder to decipher.  
  
I grew up either having red hot anger pumping through my blood, or being completely dark grey and numb to the bone.  
  
But _these_ feelings were something entirely new. Daring bold blue waves crashing against my heart, leaving particles of salt and sugar in every crack. Lilac skies letting rain and thunder shake my body until my knees are left weak.  
  
It didn’t take long until the most familiar feeling settled beneath my fingertips.   
  
Dark brown trees falling over and cracking and breaking the earth as if the rock and soil were my arms and legs.  
  
I needed to get out of here. _Fast_.  
  
I let myself gaze up at Lance. My first mistake.  
  
“Are you done flirting with my brother?” It came out harsh I admit, but it wasn’t the first time today so why not keep it going?  
  
All it took was a smirk and I was ready to pounce. I gathered every sarcastic particle in my body and loaded it in a metaphorical gun. Knowing Lance, I would definitely need to fire a sardonic reply sooner or later.  
  
“What, you jealous?” His voice was teasing and careful.  
  
Everything was red - slamming down around me and nearly knocking me off my feet.  
  
“What do I have to be jealous of?”  
  
_Keith, calm yourself down and get out of here._  
  
“Your poor attempts of pickup lines?” Bam. Shot and fired.  
  
I didn’t even have to think. Before I knew it, my body was trudging around a corner of the hallway and near the closest door.  
  
_I just need to go back home. That’s the safest option._    
  
“Biology with Iverson is in the opposite direction.”  
  
_What was his problem? And_  
  
“How do you know my next class?”  
  
He looked at me like the answer was the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
“Why do you think Shiro made us desk buddies? I have the same schedule as you smart guy.”  
  
_Fucking Shiro_  
  
“So you can go in the wrong direction and continue to disappoint Shiro with your bad decisions,”  
  
_**Who**_ does he think he is? I don’t need his know-it-all bullshit attitude to mock me further.  
  
“Or you could accompany me to bio.”  
  
I stayed silent. Maybe if I opened my mouth, I would yell at him. (Or start crying, but there really isn’t a difference anyways)  
  
He stayed still. Maybe if he started walking, I would have walked out the door. (Or walked after him, but there really isn’t a difference anyways)  
  
“So, you coming?”  
  
Apparently my head didn’t catch up with my feet in time. Now, instead of my original plan of going home and figuring out where Shiro hid all the lighters, I was following this wack ass kid deeper into the school.

•••

  
I was in the middle of noticing how Lances jacket was slipping off his shoulder when he suddenly turned another corner.  
  
_Why am I following this idiot? He isn't even going to the right room._    
  
I stopped and called Lance back to where I was.  
  
“The room number says 180, we passed it.”  
  
He made this big ordeal about going to biology with him, and now this.  
  
He glanced over his shoulder - the side that didn’t have the fabric of jacket on it - and smiled deviously, making a lightning bolt of ice run down my spine.  
  
“We are going somewhere better than advanced bio. Welcome to-“  
  
He turned another corner and waited for me to follow.  
  
“Voltron!”

 

_Everything but numb._


	4. The Heat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowie this took forever to upload and its not even that good :(( 
> 
> anyways, I really do hope y'all like this chapter, i bled for it lol

“Who is this scrub?”

The person who spoke was extremely small to say the least. Very small and very tired.

Dark circles hung at the base of squinty light brown eyes, like sleep was something they got once in a blue moon.

That didn’t excuse whoever the pancake was for calling me a scrub.

 I was in the middle of telling them to fuck off when Lance spoke over me, trying desperately to get me introduced to the others.

 “This is Keith! He’s gonna be our red paladin.”

 Excitement was pulsing oh so visibly through his veins, and if you couldn’t hear it with each one of his fast heartbeats, you could see it radiating off of him in waves.

 But where the hell am I? What the fuck is a paladin? And why was Lance telling everyone that I was one?

 Not really caring about first impressions, I took a step closer to Lance and leaned my face in.

 “What the hell is this place? Some nerd shit?”

 And then everything was red. Overpowering and suffocating. We were supposed to be heading to class - something I reluctantly agreed to go to. I didn’t agree to meet new people, it was hard enough for me to adjust to Lance and I haven’t even gotten through that yet.

 I just wanted to go home. I didn’t like this feeling.

 “Keith! You’re Shiro’s baby brother! The one who tried to ki-”

 I’ve heard her voice before, I just wasn’t sure where.

 “Yup! Our black paladin’s little brother!”

 But there Lance was, desperate again to cut someone off, but this time it felt different. It _was_ different.

 I’ve heard her voice before - and even though I don’t remember where from - I never expected her to say what she was about to. I’m not dumb and it’s not the first time I’ve been confronted about it.

 Yes I’m Shiro’s little brother who tried killing himself. It wasn’t like I was doing much to hide the scars that surrounded my neck. I adjusted my sweater, suddenly extremely self conscious.

Lance threw his arms around my shoulders and gave me a reassuring squeeze. He was shaking. It wouldn’t be visible to the naked eye, but he was _hugging_ me. I _felt_ it, and it made me wonder if Lance threw himself around me for my sake or his.

 “Ha, Shiro’s in this nerd club too?”

 It wasn’t hard to imagine Shiro in his reading glasses playing chess with the gremlin whose name I had learned was Pidge. (Honestly, what kinda name is that??)

 “Yep, Shiro’s the biggest nerd.”

 Lance’s grip loosened on me just enough for me to slip away. Everything was getting too much to handle, it was overwhelming.

 I wasn’t sure if I could handle Lance’s nervous stares. I wasn’t sure if I could handle the small room that seemed to close in on me. I wasn’t sure if I could handle Pidge when they asked me “What did you call us?” in a husky tone.

 I could tell everyone was either flustered or annoyed, so before I replied, I took a second to look around the room.

 It wasn’t a large room - quite the opposite actually. The walls were painted different shades of reds, blues, purples, yellows, and blacks. At first glance it was a galaxy, emotions pressed into each stripe of color, all blended with a bond that was unexplainable.

 Pressed onto the right wall was a white shelve that was cluttered with board games like Monopoly and Scrabble (ya know, the classics). The wall next to that supported an old gaming system, and the wall next to _that one_ was lined with books.

 Everything about this place screamed home, and I felt as if I didn’t belong.

 “You heard me. What even is this place?”

 I spoke with a smirk in my voice, trying to stealthily hide my feelings of displacement.

 “What do you guys even do here?”

 There were colored bean bags cluttering the floor, and I watched as Lance plopped into a blue one next to a boy wearing a yellow headband.

 “Play board games and skip class??”

I took a step forwards, letting my eyes travel upwards again. I noticed the plastic stars that were stuck to the ceiling, each looking different levels of worn out. I could tell which ones were newer additions, and I was left curious to why they were up there.

 “What? Too socially awkward to go to class?”

 If I was being honest, I was stalling, deciding it was better to be rude than to let myself fall vulnerable. I was giving myself some time to calm my heartbeat down.

 “Shut your damn mouth! What do you know anyways?”

 Pidge was livid, if that wasn’t clear enough. I had been pushing them on purpose, figuring out their limits. To my disappointment, the girl from before placed a hand on Pidge’s shoulder and softly said “Pidge enough” in attempts to calm them down.

 She turned to look at me, making sure to give me a look that said ‘back down’.

 “Voltron is more than a hangout spot, it’s a salvation.”

 Her eyes scanned the room, looking at all the hidden memories.

 “For people who want to escape.”

 First, she glanced at Pidge.

 “Escape from home life.”

 Then to the boy with the yellow headband.

 “Escape bullies.”

 Then to Lance.

 “Or to just escape.”

 Her facial features softened as she looked back up to me. She wasn’t angry or frustrated as previously portrayed. She was understanding and sympathetic.

 “Lance, for whatever reason, believes you belong with us as our paladin - to help those who want to escape.”

 Red faded to blue, and instead of wanting to storm home and maybe try out that plank I saw Lance jump off this morning, I now wanted to cry.

For whatever reason, Lance was wrong about me.

 “But I’m not -”

 I’m not good enough for this.

 “I don’t -”

 I was getting flustered now, getting overwhelmed all over again.

  _Why would he bring me here? Why would he think I could possibly be good enough? Why would -_

 Soft fingertips brushed against my hand and without noticing, my shoulders tensed up. My eyes met with Lances, a bright blue that was everything but numb.

 “Keith, can I talk with you outside?”

 I let him engulf my hand fully now and let my legs drag when he tugged me out the door. As soon as we were out of sight, he dropped my hand and whipped around. His face supported a frown, one that looked foreign _and_ at home on his lips.

 I decided I didn’t like to see him frown.

 “So,”

He made sure to catch my eyes, not giving me the chance to look away.

 “How many times?”

 Oh no.

 “What?”

 I tried to play it off as if I didn’t know what he was asking, but I did.

 “How many times have you tried to kill yourself?”

 At times like this, the only feeling i wished to feel was numbness.


	5. The Burn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: mentions of cutting and suicide

If anything, I was surprised. I was no stranger to the question, there was one day in August that everyone who spoke to me asked that in one form or another. 

But to hear it come out of Lance’s mouth - a boy who I’d known for merely a few hours - was like a harsh pull of my hair (and not the good kind). 

I stood there, unable to speak. Hell, I could barely stand. The only thing stopping me from toppling onto the floor right then and there was the tension that had thickened the air between me and this wonderous boy. 

A boy who still hasn’t spoken. Maybe he was waiting for an answer or explanation, I didn’t know. 

I did know I wanted him to talk. I  _ needed _ him to talk, to yell, anything to stop the silence from taking over. It was as if he read my mind because not even a second later his mouth started moving, and suddenly I wished he had stayed quiet. 

“June 10th 2016, you drank bleach. Shiro found you before it had a deadly affect.” 

Lance looked bored, like he was completely unphased by this information. There was no doubt in my mind that Shiro had been the one who told him that, and I made sure to write a mental note to ask Shiro  _ what the actual fuck was he thinking _ . 

“January 20th 2017, you cut yourself so deep you almost died from blood loss.” 

By now I was starting to get upset, letting the shades of red and yellow seep into my veins. I know what I did, and when I did it. I did  _ not _ need this annoyingly intrusive boy who I had known for merely a couple hours telling me how I tried (and  _ failed _ ) to kill myself. 

“August 4th 2017, your final attempt. You hung for so long it permanently bruised your neck. Shiro found you after 20 minutes, and it’s a goddamned miracle you’re still alive.”

I didn’t miss his quiet hiss of “dumbass” under his breath. 

It took me a few seconds longer than I’d care to admit to fully process what Lance had just said to me, but once I wrapped my head around it, I was steaming. 

“Yeah? So what?!” 

I took a step forward and flipped my hair out of my eyes. 

“What are you trying to prove? So, you know my history?”

I advance again, puffing my chest out to make myself look more intimidating (although that's kinda hard to accomplish due to the fact that I'm at least a head shorter than the person I'm trying to intimidate). 

“So. What?”

With those last two words, I spit all of the poison that had settled onto my tounge out of my mouth. Orange had now settled itself under my skin, right above the other bubbling colors of emotions pulsing in my blood. 

I don’t want to feel this way. I don’t _ want  _ to be this upset. I don’t want to hear Lance talk anymore. I don’t want to be here. 

Lance wasn’t done with me though, and he knows that I know it.

“ _ So what!?  _ It ends today Keith! No more of your selfishness.”

He was exasperated, and he showed it by poking me rather hard in the chest with every sentence. 

“No more hurting Shiro or Adam. It  _ ends  _ today.”

This boy had no knowledge of this thing called personal space, and he used that to his advantage. He was maybe three or four inches away from my face, but it’s not like I minded. I kinda liked it, but I wasn’t about to tell Lance that.

Instead I pushed the limits even further, letting reds, oranges, and yellows fade into mellow greens and pinks. 

“Oh yeah?”

_ Two inches apart now. _

“And how are you going to stop me?”

_ One inch. _

“By giving you affirmation and love!” 

Andddddd, there goes the mood. Lance was hopeless. 

I take a step back, giving myself the necessary air to breathe correctly. 

“Ew, no.”

I had mumbled the last part, because in all honesty, it wasn’t ‘ew’ at all. 

“C’mon, we’re going someplace fun!” 

Before I knew it, Lance was grabbing my wrist and pulling me towards the nearest set of doors. I don’t fight it and decide to let my legs move in order to keep up with his quickened pace. 

My hair falls back in front of my eyes, efficiently hiding a growing blush, and I can’t help but ask myself why Lance has this affect on me.

•••

Lance didn’t say anything the entire trip, which was oddly comfortable. He had let go of my hand about five minutes after we were off campus grounds, and with my new found freedom, I shot Shiro a quick text letting him know I was safe and with Lance and to not ask questions. 

We trekked into a forest that grew behind a small, hidden neighborhood behind the school. The thicket of trees was large enough to call it a forest, but still considerably small (maybe the size of the football field). 

The forest wasn’t the final destination though. We weaved through the tangle of trees until we came across a large oak that had been marked in blue spray paint. 

I watched Lance as pressed his hand onto the rough surface of the bark and closed his eyes. A soft smile settled on his mouth and he looked relaxed, a sight that contrasted the usually tense persona he walked around with at the school. 

Relaxed shifted to excited a few seconds later, his eyes snapping open. Lance shot a devilish smile towards me and broke into a sprint. 

I watched him run for a minute, noticing how long his legs were and how smoothly they bent, and then I was rushing after him. Loud, obnoxious giggles bubbled out of Lance’s mouth, flowing behind him in strings of every color. His voice wrapped itself around me, drawing me towards him in more ways than I could explain.

We ran until our lungs burned and we were gasping for breath. We ran until we reached a clearing. At the edge of the large expanse was a large rusty metal gate. One of the doors was off its hinges, and Lance took a step forward to push it open further. 

It squeaked with the added weight, but other than that, it opened with ease. Lance walked inside and turned to look at me through the fence. 

“Woah what is this place?”

I took it all in. I inhaled the smell of smoke and smog. I watched as the sky shifted to dark purples and pinks. 

I stepped around the gate, now looking up at Lance, who had climbed a pile of broken car parts and burnt pieces of cardboard (and whose arms were thrown up in a Grand Entry sort of way). 

“Welcome to World’s End!” 

He was smiling like this burnout place was something special. 

“You made me leave school for a junkyard? After you were yelling at me to go to class?” 

I don’t know why I was yelling at him. If anything I was glad I wasn’t stuck in Iverson’s class. Lance knew this. 

“Oh, whatever! You hate school anyways.”

He looked down at a broken blue helmet and kicked it to the side. 

“You know, I never felt like a paladin myself.” 

Lance had spoken barely loud enough for me to hear, but the pain in his voice could be heard for miles. When he looked up at me, I saw all of him. Behind glossy eyes was every emotion all at once. 

But most of all, when he looked up at me, I saw the hope. 

“Maybe you’re not one either.” 

There was a slight breeze surrounding me and this strange boy who was everything but numb. I felt my hair tangle slightly with each push and pull of the wind, but I didn’t care. 

“Instead of saving the world, let’s end it.”

I relaxed as it washed away all of the colors in my heart until one was left. 

“What do you say, Keith?”

_ Bright blue.  _

“Wanna end the world with me?” 

Lance was completely insane, but for the first time in my life it felt like I finally  _ belonged _ . 

I took step after step until I was crawling up the same pile of trash Lance was on. He reached out to grab my hand. 

I never felt like I belonged anywhere, but in this moment, I was meant to be with him. 

I laced our fingers together, his skin warm and contrasting compared to the cool breeze. 

I didn’t know it until now, but I needed this more than anything. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I just wanted to thank you all for being patient with me, it took me forever to find actual motivation. Also, thank you for all of the wonderful comments :') it really means a lot
> 
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter!!


	6. The Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oof this is alot of feels man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO I AM NOT DEAD!!!! 
> 
> Okay so first off, I'm so sorry for such a late update. I'm like two chapters behind and we can all blame that on school. My classes just started again, and they are kicking my butt. I'm trying my best to write whenever I can. 
> 
> Secondly, if you want any updates on chapters or if you have any questions, feel free to DM me on instagram (@/notsoawesomeisgwen) 
> 
> Third, I worked my butt off for this chapter, and I hope everyone really likes it. I've gotten a lot of really encouraging messages, and I really appreciate all of the support!! Thank you all!!

We had to move to the other side of the junkyard because a family of particularly friendly raccoons were inhabiting our original spot. And if there’s one thing National Geographic has taught me, it’s don't fuck with raccoons. 

Now we were sitting side by side on top of a pile of bruised cardboard boxes, looking over our own little kingdom. 

My hand boiled with heat and sweat in Lances grip, but that wasn’t going to stop me from keeping our fingers intertwined for as long as possible. The a feeling of purple nervousness crept up my spine and down my arms. If I let go of Lance, I would fall right off the edge of the garbage pile and die right then and there. Me, taking that chance? Less likely than you’d think. 

My mouth was dry when I spoke.

“So since you brought up my past, can I ask about yours?” 

I knew I was pushing my boundaries, something I tend to do more often than not. But on the flip side, I wasn’t surprised when Lance mumbled a soft “yeah, I guess”. 

“Why’s your jacket always hanging off your shoulder?” 

It was something I had been meaning to ask. It was weird, but cute on him nonetheless. His fingers twitched around mine, and I wondered if he was actually going to tell me.

Lance shifted his head towards me, causing a small tint of red to slither up my neck. It settled at the tips of my ears where the rest of my embarrassment laid, but thankfully my hair covered that with ease. 

“What does my jacket have to do with my past?” 

The closer Lance was to my face, the more I noticed about his features. Dark lines of sleeplessness were etched under beautiful blue eyes. His lips were a smooth shade of nude, and he had a nose that hooked upwards. Soft caramel skin stretched across his cheeks, and I resisted the urge to spread my hand across them. 

“Nothin, you gonna tell me?” 

Lances knuckles were white with anxiety, and I watched as shades of orange and grey flickered behind his eyes. It was there, clear as day, and then it wasn’t. It took me by surprise, and made an eruption of melancholy and nostalgia coarse through me. 

“Uh, haven’t you ever heard of fashion?”

A small giggle bubbles from his mouth, making warmth spread throughout my body.

“Well obviously not with  _ that _ mullet.” 

I decided there were much more important things to focus on besides my amazing hair. Much more important things like my new overwhelming desire to kiss this beautiful boy sitting next to me. 

Multitasking was an amazing skill to have. It allowed me to pull up the side of Lance’s jacket that was falling off of his shoulder  _ and _ pull him closer to my face.  _ All in one movement _ ! But that barely scratched my burning itch to have my hands in his hair.

“Ya know,” 

My mouth was so close, I could easily just - 

“I think you look better with your jacket like this.”

His hand moved to grip mine, but I didn’t loosen my hold of the thick fabric that smelled entirely of  _ Lance _ . Using that to my advantage, I yanked his face towards mine and shifted my head to the side, easily pulling myself to whisper in his ear. 

“Keep it that way.” 

We were close enough to make me dizzy, and I decided that I never wanted to move from this. One second I was getting ready to shove my face into his neck and the next Lance was pulling away. I wanted him back, inches away from my face. I wanted to breathe in the salty scents of the dark blue ocean again. I wanted to inhale him. 

I decided to light a cigarette instead. 

I kept a box of hand-rolled cigarettes in my hoodie pocket at all times, something I had started doing in middle school in case I didn’t have my usual choice of poison on me. Hand-rolled cigarettes were not the best tasting, but did it get me my nicotine fill? Very much so.

I pulled out a red lighter from my pocket as well, one that had been my fathers. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I glanced at Lance. A flustered pout had stitched itself onto his lips. 

“You’re pretty cute when you’re speechless.” 

He was silent for a few seconds before he spoke again, his voice suddenly falling an octave below whats usual. 

“Why do you smoke?” 

It was a surreal question, one that I was not expecting him to ask. It would be different if he was asking about my carved arms or bruised neck. This was a question not even Shiro bothered to ask. I guess if he asked the usual questions compared to this one, the answer would be the same. 

“Because I hate myself.”

I inhaled, and as heat hit the back of my throat, I relaxed. I knew Lance wasn’t going to let my bullshit answer slide. I also knew I didn’t want to be angry or upset right now. I was sitting here, holding a gorgeous boys hand, and I didn’t want my stripes of red and orange to ruin it all. 

“Why?”

He was unamused, and for that exact reason, I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. Instead, I tightened my hold on his hand, which would be a lot more clammy if I didn’t have my gloves on. 

“Do I need a reason?” 

The words sat bitter on my tongue, so I took another drag of smoke. 

“Yes, Keith. You do need a reason.” 

If I was surprised by his question, then I was bewildered by his response to my answer. Lace was a roller coaster of everything, shades of the whole spectrum hidden behind big wonderlust blue eyes. I was out of breath. 

The words came out of my mouth like bile, a burning flame that escaped before I noticed what was happening. 

“Because I’m the reason my parents are dead.” 

I let my hand untangle itself from Lances, and suddenly any warmth in my body decided to pack its bags and evacuate. The space around my neck started tightening and it was getting harder to breathe properly. 

“If I would have never existed,”

The words sounded strangled coming from my mouth, shades of brown engulfing me all at once. I swallowed a dry bubble of air, hoping it would calm me down. 

It didn’t. 

“They would still be here.” 

The reality of it all was terrifying, and for me to be telling it to a boy I wanted to desperately touch everywhere just five minutes ago was something even scarier. 

I sucked in a breath the best I could, and closed my eyes. 

“That’s why I hate myself.”

I didn’t look at Lance. I didn’t want to see the familiar look of pity stapled into his face. 

_ The air around us was silent. I had probably scared him off. He was going to leave. It’s been a day since I’ve known him, and I’m already going to lose him. Good job Keith, good job. You’ve gone a fucked this all u- _

Warmth flooded my arm. Lance forced my fingers up so that they weren’t digging into me anymore. Particles of blood formulated on top of the crescents in my skin, and suddenly I was crying.

Lance took ahold of my hand again and rested his head on my shoulder. Hard sobs escaped from between my lips, a nasty sound of disgruntled pain. Lance rubbed circles into my palms and I cried harder. 

“Keith, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

At the sound of his voice, my tears slowly came to a stop. Light pinks and silvers wrapped itself around my head, making me feel light headed. 

“No I should have lied and told you I just like the taste.” 

The overwhelming feeling of crying flipped in my stomach, but I pushed it down my throat.

“Lance, do you think I’m a bad person?”

Our eyes met and instantly knew his answer. 

“You called me selfish,”

His face was getting too close to mine, and my body momentarily forgot how to breathe.

“So, am I?”

We were close, suffocatingly close. The silence was heavy with anticipation. Lance brought my hand to his mouth and placed a soft kiss on my skin. 

“Keith, you’re not bad. You’ve made bad decisions.” 

He moved my hoodie sleeve down to reveal lines of pain and placed a chaste kiss there as well. 

“Instead of hating yourself,” 

Lances mouth went to my shoulder, and suddenly I was wishing my hoodie was off completely. 

“Hate the world.”


	7. A/N

okay so when season 8 came out, i didnt watch it because the fandom was really toxic

i needed to take some time to get better for my mental health before i could jump back into the fandom

but here i am, dealing with school and stress and mental health

 

ive decided to rewrite this and continue it 

 

i love all of you all and appreciate you waiting and sticking around ! thank you for waiting


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